I have always felt different.
Not in the way people romanticize it—but in a way that made me question where I was supposed to stand in a world that seemed to move in sync without me.
I think I’ve always been what you would call a contrarian.
I never cared about what was popular. In fact, I actively resisted it. I refused to read Twilight for years just because everyone else was, and don’t even get me started on Justin Bieber—I still have a one-sided beef with that man.
But it wasn’t really about disliking what was popular.
It was about something deeper—an almost instinctual need to step outside of the noise.
To create distance.
To experience things without influence.
I never wanted to be told what I should like based on who I am, what I look like, or what demographic box I supposedly fit into.
I hate being sold to, and thats what the pressure to conform felt like; presure to buy.
Marketing campaigns, advertisements, even movie trailers.… they’ve always felt intrusive. Which is ironic, considering I’m pursuing a degree in marketing. But maybe that’s exactly why—I want to understand the system without being controlled by it.
If something catches my interest, I need space.
Space to examine it.
To feel it.
To decide—on my own—if it’s worth my time.
I believe something real…
Something good… should be able to speak for itself.
But being that way—especially as a black girl—was isolating.
I didn’t like what everyone else liked.
I didn’t connect through the same music, the same shows, the same conversations.
And because of that, I often felt left out, like I was on the outside looking in.
And for a long time, I thought that meant something was wrong with me.
But the truth is—I feel things differently.
I don’t just consume art. I absorb it.
When I read Harry Potter, more specifically, The Order of the Phoenix, I don’t just follow the story—I carry it. That specific book is the start of a long journey: his full transition to realizing that the childish games are over, he is traumatized, and seeking solace in his friends and family, only to feel rejected by them. Harry’s anger, his isolation, the way he’s kept in the dark while being expected to endure everything… it lingers. It settles into me. It changes my mood, my energy, sometimes even my entire day.
Music is the same.
I can’t just listen to anything. I choose music carefully, because I feel it. The wrong song doesn’t just sound off—it shifts me. It pulls my energy somewhere I didn’t agree to go.
And social media?
It overwhelms me.
I love the idea of it—being connected, celebrating people, witnessing lives from afar. But the reality feels like drowning. Information overload. Emotional overload. Negativity spilling out of comment sections. Scandals cycling endlessly.
After a while, I don’t feel inspired.
I feel heavy.
Disconnected.
Just lost in noise that was never meant for me to carry.
So I stopped asking, “Why am I like this?”
And I started understanding.
I am sensitive to energy—deeply sensitive.
I feel things that aren’t mine. I carry things I didn’t choose. And for a long time, I thought that was a weakness.
But it’s not.
It’s awareness.
It’s discernment.
It’s the ability to experience the world beyond the surface.
I am a Starseed not because I’m trying to be different—
But because I am.
I was never meant to follow the current.
I was meant to step outside of it.
To explore.
To question.
To understand life without the filters of expectation and opinion.
I was not created to be a bystander.
I was created to feel. To observe. To expand.
To exist in a way that doesn’t always make sense to others—
But makes perfect sense to my soul.
I was born to be different.
